What is Safety?

I remember the moment this poem started to flow. I had just finished a session with a client who was one of many who began the session stating they had a great childhood. When we delved a little bit deeper, I discovered that they have never experienced unconditional love and emotional needs were not met. We have learned to be protective of those we love expressing that they did the best they could and that is true. What is also true however is how is it possible to show unconditional love to yourself or others when you do not even know what that means or how it feels? It is no one's fault. It is all conditioning. The cycle keeps going until you stop it.

As we wander aimlessly through life and consent to our relationship experiences and situations, we have a tendency to hand our inner child over to others to love and when they don't, we feel rejected and abandoned. It is a cycle of hell. The only person that inner child needs is YOU...your acceptance and unconditional love. When this happens, the inner child and adult begin the integration process of wholeness. If your partner is always there trying to fix you and accepting of unacceptable behaviour, blaming the past and never finding resolve in relationship issues, there is a BIG problem. Accountability is a very sexy word. There is also this very delusional script in the outdated marriage vows. It is not a badge of honor to make it 40 years together and still not know who you are because you are enmeshed too deeply in the other. That sounds more like a contract of bondage than freedom. Control, manipulation, toxic jealousy, lying and cheating is not LOVE. That is FEAR and fear is when you have a powerless relationship with yourself. So if you have a powerless relationship with yourself, how can you have an empowered relationship with another? Do you really think it is possible? I don't. If a relationship is built on the shaky ground of insecurity and fear of abandonment, it will eventually crack and even if you don't leave, your health will suffer -guaranteed. I work with many clients who this has happened to including myself.

I completed a course on healing from narcissist abuse and in one module it likened living with a narcissist to death by a thousand cuts. This couldn't be more accurate. Walking on eggshells makes you bleed from the inside out while your life force energy gradually over time keeps getting depleted. They are like energetic vampires. I once participated in a fire ceremony were I walked on hot coals and didn't burn my feet yet I lived with a narcissist and felt the burn everyday. The truth is some will find the inner strength to leave and choose healthier options for themself and some will not and that is not for anyone to judge. Afterall, it is their soul's journey not yours!

In a healthy supportive relationship when you provide each other the gift of unconditional love and safety it opens the heart space for open and honest communication. These organic ingredients help us to grow and evolve. Freedom happens as a result. Freedom to be. Freedom to express. Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to feel. Freedom for self-reflection. Freedom to discover so many hidden talents and gifts. Freedom to heal. Freedom to love who you are and the freedom to love another. This kind of love is divine. God. True infinite nature. It is built on a strong foundation of mutual respect, admiration and compatibility.

Safety is a feeling

A knowing kind of thing

Experiencing it on levels

It has a subtle ring

Safety in relationship

Begins very young

Did we feel safe to be

All we could become?

Many say they did

But can you please explain?

Did the roof over your head

Protect you from the rain?

Did the clothes on your back

Make you feel warm?

In the middle of the winter

Through the snowstorm?

What about the safety

of a nurturing loving heart

To unconditionally love you  

Each and every part

Did you witness affection

Between your mentors

Were they kind to each other

Behind closed doors

Did they encourage

the other’s sacred path?

Did they communicate well?

Make each other laugh?

If the answer is yes

You are the blessed minority

Sadly, many still carry

A false sense of security

All is not lost for those

Who choose to see

For those who want to feel

Their way to liberty

Find your inner love

By falling on your knees

Kiss the god of surrender

The part that makes you freeze

We need to dig in deep

To the roots beyond the grass

Our true power comes

From loving ourselves first class

Feel the safety in your wings

To soar through the shifts

The turbulence of release

Will render many gifts

Now you’re ready my friend

To meet your counterpart

And find safety within another

A love that is smart

A love that is built on a

Solid foundation

A love that is essential

To the next generation

When you meet that safety

Your world explodes

The compass needle steady

At life’s crossroads

No more sacrificing self

For just an ounce of love

Seek abundance in everything

Rise up to the stars above

Today when you wake up

Rub your sleepy eyes

Be the rising sun

That we all idolize

 -heather may